Impure Thoughts
by oh-jeez-louise
Summary: Carlisle, the son of a minister, is struggling with his thoughts about men. Carlisle seeks the help of Jasper a hot therapist who makes his thoughts worse. Can Carlisle accept who he is when his beliefs have taught him that he's nothing but a sinner?


**A.N. Hi everyone, so this is my new story. At this point in time it's a one-shot and I don't have plans to continue it. Well read it and let me know what you think.**

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CPOV

Deep breath in, deep breath out. This has been my mantra for the last twelve and a half minutes. My heart was ramming hard into my rib cage, taking in air was seriously becoming a problem. Just what I needed a fucking panic attack in the middle of the waiting room. I start to make my way towards the exit when a deep, smooth voice freezes me on the spot.

"Carlisle Cullen," the voice calls again. He probably thinks I'm all kinds of special, considering I'm the only one in the waiting room and I've yet to answer him. Mustering up all the courage I have in my six foot frame, I turn around and make my way towards the door. My eyes stay locked in their staring contest with the ground.

"Yeah that's me," I mumble as I stand before the voice. Embarrassed, anxious and freaked the fuck out, I think of the best way I can get out of this appointment. _I wonder if I could be stealthy enough to shove my fingers down my throat without him noticing. He would have to cancel the appointment if I was blowing chunks all over his floor._ A deep sigh forces it way out of my body when I realize how unlikely the chance of escaping this appointment is.

"Are you going to come in?" the voice asks all amused and shit. Huffing, I raise my eyes, which have been firmly fixated on his scruffy cowboy boots, up to look at the man who isn't making this easy on me. Part of me wants to laugh and the other part, the less moral part of me, wants to do all kinds of things that would send me straight to hell, as I take in the sight before me.

The man before me has to be no older than twenty-five with blond, curly hair and vibrant blue eyes. His well toned body is displayed in a perfectly tailored suit; he looks all straight laced until you look at his choice of footwear. The boots betray his whole professional image, and they're not even new. His black cowboy boots are old, scruffy and well worn. I'm intrigued, turned on, and disgusted at my attraction and amused all at the same time. In other words, I'm fucked.

"Sure," I mumble again as I walk into his office pretending that I wasn't staring at him and thinking inappropriate thoughts. This is the first time I've ever been in a shrink's office and truthfully I had no idea what to expect. Taking a few minutes, I look around his office. It's warm and inviting. The walls are painted a soft green; in the back of the room is a dark wooden desk. In front of me are two black, extremely soft looking sitting chairs. My body starts to relax unconsciously. I pause in the middle of the room, unsure of where to sit.

"Please take a seat, I'm Jasper by the way," Jasper's voice is calm and instantly makes me feel at ease. I rather ungracefully plant myself in the seat unoccupied by Jasper.

"Carlisle," I say as a way of introduction all the while avoiding eye contact. My eyes are riveted by the dark brown carpet in his office.

I'm unsure of what I'm supposed to do now. Do I just go straight ahead and spill my darkest secrets? Or am I supposed to engage in small talk, carefully avoiding the reason why I've sought counseling? Jasper shows some mercy and breaks the uncomfortable silence. "It's nice to meet you Carlisle. Now there are a couple of things I would like to explain to you before we begin, is that okay?"

Because I have absolutely no idea what the protocol here is I just nod my head. "Okay good, well first thing I want to say is that nothing you say here will leave this room unless you are in danger of hurting someone or yourself." Jasper pauses looking at me to ensure I understood, at the nod of my head he continues on. "Now that's said I want you to understand that you are free to discuss anything you want. This is a safe place; there are no judgments here only support and an unbiased ear. Now where do you want to start? Would you like to dive right in or just give me some info on who you are and what you like?"

I take a moment to absorb everything Jasper has just said. He's unable to tell a soul about anything that I may say and he won't judge me. I'm so tempted to just jump right in and purge my soul to this beautiful stranger but my cowardice stops me. "Well there's not a lot to tell really, my name's Carlisle Cullen and I turn twenty one in just over three months. Currently I'm studying premed in the hopes of one day becoming a pediatrician. I'm an only child and I hate that I have no siblings. Sometime it can feel lonely having nobody on my side. My parents are deeply involved with the church, my father is a minister and my mother is a good minister's wife." The guilt creeps up on me once I pause to draw in a breath. I realize, due to my bitterness, I've made my parent's sound much worse than they really are. Truthfully, my parents are loving and have always been great, the only problem is that they both have very strong views. Those strong beliefs would have them disowning me if my secret was ever discovered.

"I'm not here because my parents messed me up or anything like that. Honestly I have no idea why I'm here. Well that's not true I know why I'm here but what I meant was that it was stupid of me to come. It's not like I've had some tough, tragic life worthy of bitching about," I ramble in a sad attempt to inform Jasper that my parent's aren't monsters who locked me in the basement until I was twelve. Unfortunately, during my rambling, I may have exposed Jasper to some of my inner crazy just itching to be released. Jasper's just sitting there all cool as a cucumber, pretending that I didn't just make a dick of myself. While his demeanor might be all cool, calm and collected his eyes barely conceal his amusement at my word vomit.

"Well it's good to know that your parents didn't mess you up and that your life hasn't been horribly tragic. But I do want you to know that whatever brought you here is important. If it bothered you enough that you sought therapy to help you, then it's worth discussing. Maybe it's not something tragic that would have the whole world mourning but if it's hurting you then it's not stupid that you came here. Are you sure you know why you're here?" Jasper was so calm as he spoke, it was almost as though he was trying to talk down a man from jumping. It would have been humorous had it not put me at ease and allowed me to give Jasper a reason for my sitting in his office.

"Some days I wake up and wish I was never a Cullen. I'm ashamed of who I am and how I think. At night I pray for the strength to fight the battle within myself that I'm quickly losing. Do you know how it feels to know that one decision could make you invisible in the eyes of your family?" I question though I expect no answer. I'm hoping with all my might he doesn't ask me to explain because I'm not ready to fully unleash my secret, my inner demon.

As I wasn't expecting an answer to my question, I was shocked when the man across from me gave me one. "Yes, I know how it feels. I'm not going to push you for details, I think we've done more than enough for today but I hope you come back next week because I think I can help you. Carlisle please come back," his voice is soft and the pleading in his voice is thinly disguised. Despite the fact that it scares the shit out of me that he think he knows how I feel, I'm comforted by the fact that he thinks he can help me.

"Sure," I answer trying to assure him that I would return for a session next week but I'm certain we both can hear the doubt in my voice.

"Okay then, just let Alice know what day suits you best," Jasper says standing to lead me out to the waiting room. Our arms brush as I walk through the door, inconspicuously I inhale on my way out. Jasper smells of mint and cologne that I can't name, not that I wouldn't mind sniffing him for hours while I try to identify it. Good thing I'm already going to therapy because my thoughts have officially turned creepy.

Jasper's voices rings out through the waiting room, stopping me in my tracks. "I hope to see you next week Carlisle," then he gives me a smirk. The desire to lick the smirk off his face had me running away from him and to the receptionist to book that next appointment, because seriously I need some fucking help.

Alice, the receptionist, was a sweet girl even if she did talk non-stop and at a pitch that had dogs covering their ears. My appointment was made for next Tuesday at two. That left me six days to conjure up a reason I was unable to make it. There was no denying that I was a coward, nor was there any denying that I really wanted to go back and see Jasper again. Unfortunately, my reasons for wanting to see him again have nothing to do with therapy, and everything to do with the disgusting, immoral thoughts I was having about him. The filthy, vile thoughts regarding Jasper and that wooden desk in his office swarm my head. Oh fuck now I'm hard, which in itself is all kinds of fucked up. What sort of God fearing person gets a boner over another man? A sick one who wants to spend eternity in hell, that's who. I should cancel my appointment, there's no way Jasper can help me when he makes the thoughts ten times worse. Maybe I'm unable to be saved.

Over the next week I had decided to go back and see Jasper a total of fourteen times and chickened out just as many. Instead of focusing on Jasper, I mean my appointment; I threw myself into my studies. Guilt, fear and self loathing made sleeping difficult therefore, most of my assignments were complete. I wanted so much to be able to open up to Jasper, to finally allow my secrets to spill from my mouth, but I feared speaking the words out loud would finally make them real. Every time I thought about uttering the simple sentence that would free me from my inner torment or add to it further, I was struck with crippling fear. Fear at the disgust that Jasper's face may portray. Fear of rejection, that Jasper may no longer want me to attend sessions with him. The most crippling, irrational fear is that somehow, someway my parents would find out and I'd no longer have a family. I have never uttered the words out loud, not even to myself.

Finally, Tuesday rolled around and it was time to see Jasper again. I paused just outside the door to the waiting room, unsure that I really wanted to be here, unsure that he could help me, unsure that I was worthy of help. Sucking in a massive deep breath, I walked through the door and I was greeted by the overexcited small girl at the desk. Really they need to limit her caffeine intake. During her high speed rambling she informs me that Jasper is running a little late and will be with me in a minute. I take a seat in the waiting room and attempt to tune out Alice's incessant chatter. Just when I thought my ear drums were about to burst, Jasper called my name.

Jasper's clothes are a bit more relaxed this time, and I can't help but wonder if he's wearing jeans today then why was he wearing a suit last week? He looks comfortable yet professional. Today Jasper's toned body is accentuated in perfectly fitting jeans, a white dress shirt and a black jacket. My mouth starts to water as my eyes drink in the sight before me. I really am a sick freak that is destined to spend eternity in hell.

"Good afternoon, Carlisle. Come on in," Jasper greeted me whilst gesturing with his hands for me to enter. I smile politely in greeting before entering and claiming the seat I had occupied last week. Something about being in Jasper's presence calms some of my anxiety. Fidgeting in my seat, I wait for Jasper to collect his notebook and take his seat.

"Just by looking at you Carlisle, I can see that you're still nervous about being here today, so I thought we could start off with a few easy questions, okay?" Jasper quirked one of his blond eyebrows at me. Although the both of us are blond, the difference between us is startling. Where I'm six foot, he's at least six three and the shades of our blonds are extremely different. His blond curls are a soft light blond, whereas mine is a darker almost sandy color. Jasper's vibrant blue eyes are the opposite of my light brown ones. Sitting in his presence I can't help but feel inferior.

I was so caught up in my comparison of the two of us, that it took me a moment to realize that I was supposed to answer him. "Sure, that's sounds fine," my voice sounded anything but sure.

"Okay great," Jasper enthused, clearly pleased that I wasn't bolting for the door. "I'll start off with the easiest, why do you want to become a doctor?"

Hmm, well while he thinks that an easy question it's actually fairly hard to find the right words to answer him. "Um, I've always wanted to help people and what better way than to take their pain away. Or be the compassionate, empathetic face that has to tell them bad news. I may not always be able to fix or cure them, but there are other ways in which I can help. I can let them know that they're not alone, make sure they have the right support groups or just listen, even if their fears are irrational." Once I finish I realize I may have let him into my head a little more than I intended. Feeling vulnerable I turn the conversation back onto Jasper. "What about you?"

Jasper just smirks at me fully aware of what I'm doing, but thankfully he takes pity on me and answers the question. "I became a therapist because I knew what it felt like to feel alone. To be scared, angry and hopeless and I also knew the benefits of releasing all of your inner torments onto someone who knew nothing about you. The peace that came from knowing that they couldn't and wouldn't judge me, that they would do nothing but listen and offer any advice that they could. You see Carlisle, I've been in your position and I understand what you're feeling better than you may think."

Floored, that's what I was; I couldn't imagine someone who oozes confidence like Jasper does ever needing therapy. I felt guilty finding comfort in his past pain but I couldn't deny that it helped me relax into my seat with the hope that this might actually help.

Jasper broke me out of my guilty thoughts. "That's the first question out of the way, now for the second. How would you describe yourself? I'm not talking about physically either I want you to describe who you are as a person."

Well fuck me; I thought these were supposed to be easy questions. Where do I even begin? I took a moment to really think about the question before I answered. "I'm smart but not cocky about it. I believe in God but I struggle to believe in churches and what they preach. I have hopes and dreams and then I have reality, rarely do the two meet. I'm innocent due to my cowardice. I love and loathe at the same time. I desire to help people because I'm scared I'm beyond help. I'm honest, I try to be kind but some days it can be a struggle. All of those things are overshadowed by the fact that some days I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, or the face filled with shame that looks back at me."

The words just tumbled out of me and now I'm embarrassed beyond belief. I just allowed Jasper to see how truly fucked up I am. The room is dead quiet, Jasper has yet to say something and there is no way I'm going to even look at him let alone allow my mouth to open. Who knows what the fuck else might spill out. Judging by the uneasiness in my stomach, I don't think it'll only be word vomit next time.

"I have another question." Of course he does, all this guy has is questions. My embarrassment may be making me a little pissy. "If your father is a minister, why are you against churches?"

He had to pick that up out of everything. "God is supposed to love everyone, after all he made us and yet the church teaches us that love is conditional. In my eyes, I always thought God was the epitome of unconditional love, yet every Sunday I was regaled with the rules that I had to follow in order to obtain that love. To me churches are the perfect picture of hypocrisy. Judgment is supposed to be left up to God and God alone, yet my father and his friends are some of the most judgmental people I've ever met."

Jasper's brows were creased with his confusion and I can't think about what in my tirade against churches confused him. "So, this is more about your father than the church, is that right?"

I know he's not deliberately trying to piss me off, but I feel my fist clench in anger. "No, this is about the fact that good, honest people are judged for things that they are unable to help. Why would God create them that way if he did not intend for them to live their lives a certain way?" Fuck, now I'm confusing myself.

Jasper just looks thoughtful for a moment, before nodding his head slightly. He gives me a knowing look that makes my blood run cold, but there's no way he could know. It's probably just my paranoia. "I think I know what you're saying. There's something I want you to try, something that helped me a lot. I want you to keep a journal. In that journal I want you to write all the secrets that you're keeping, even the ones that you're too scared to admit to yourself. Once you've written those secrets I want you to write your fears and why you're scared. I won't read it unless you want me to, but I think it might be good for you to just get the words and feelings out of your body."

A journal? Hmm, I could write down what he wanted so long as no one ever read it. "Okay," I nod my head.

"Great, well I'm hoping you'll come back again next week. I'd like to make these visits weekly, there are a few things we need to work on. Alright?" I just nod my head in silent agreement, due to the fact that my mind is now running through despicable reasons for weekly visits. What is it about this guy that makes sinning seems so attractive?

I quickly rush through scheduling my next appointment, well rushing as much as I can when Alice is involved, and hurry on outside. The fresh air brushes across my face as I walk the few blocks home. Although I try to avoid thinking about Jasper, he plagues my thoughts on the way home. Seeing as my thoughts don't seem to venture to far from Jasper, I decide to reflect on today's session. I was really thrown for a loop when he asked if my problem was really with my father and not the church. My father is a good man and I love him dearly but he's also a man of strong, unwavering beliefs, beliefs I'm finding harder and harder to have faith in. I don't blame my father, nor am I angry about what he believes. I just wish that the church taught a little more about love and acceptance, I just wish that I could guarantee my father's love and acceptance if he ever found out my secrets. Sadly, I know that unless I find a way to change, I will no longer have a father. No minister wants a son like me.

My week is a blur of classes, studying and writing in my journal. I still remember how difficult writing that first entry was. Three little words had never been harder to write. I stared at the page for a good hour before I allowed the tip of my pen to touch the pristine white paper. It took another twenty minutes for me to write the first letter. In total I spent two hours writing three little words. Flipping my journal open to the page those three words stare back at me, _I am gay_.

The relief coursing through my body, at having finally admitted to myself what I'd always known, almost had me sobbing. All the other journal entries just poured out of me from then on. Page number two of my journal was my list of fears and the reason behind those fears. Having finally written everything down, I was equal parts relieved and scared shitless that someone would read it.

Finally it's Tuesday again and this time I'm not nervous about seeing Jasper, actually I'm rather excited. I'm once again greeted by an overexcited Alice. Truthfully I think the girl's growing on me. A few minutes after taking my seat, Jasper's door opened and he ushered me inside. I quickly claimed my chair.

"It's good to see you again Carlisle," Jasper offered in way of greeting.

"You too," I try to sound nonchalant but I don't think I pull it off.

"Would it be okay with you if we talked about why you can't stand looking at your reflection in the mirror?" Jasper asks and I just nod a little unsure. "Good before we talk about that, have you started a journal yet?"

"Yeah, I've written in it a couple of times." I was quick to reply grateful we weren't talking about the mirror issue yet. "I think it's helped, I'm feeling a little lighter. Does that make sense?"

Jasper offers me a kind, warm smile that does things to my heart that I'd really rather not think about. "That makes perfect sense. A lot of people find writing how they feel a lot easier than talking about it. Having a way to release what you're feeling while keeping your thoughts and feelings private, can really help. I found that once I read back on a few things, I was able to see where I was being irrational. Also having it all laid out in front of you can help you come to terms with whatever your going through, or see different outcomes. I still, to this day, use one."

I felt oddly comforted by the fact that Jasper seemed to understand where I was coming from. It was incomprehensible to me that we would have anything in common. He just seemed to have his shit together, whereas I wasn't sure if I was coming or going.

"I'm really glad that you're using a journal." Judging by the smile on his face, he really was glad. "Now how about we start by talking about what you see when you look in the mirror."

Wow, how the fuck was I supposed to answer that? "I don't know, I guess I see my father's straight hair. My mother's eyes filled with poorly concealed sadness. I see a man whose appearance reflects little about what he's actually feeling. Mostly I see a lost boy begging for answers, answers that I don't have."

If he didn't think I was a freak before, he will after that answer. "What does he want answers to?" Jasper asks softly.

"He wants to know why he wasn't made right. Why his being different makes him less in the eyes of others. Mostly he just wants to know why he's not normal." I'm no longer looking at Jasper, embarrassed by the words coming out of my mouth.

"You look pretty normal to me," Jasper comments.

"I'm not," I deadpan.

"Why aren't you normal?" He sounds intrigued, amused and it pushes all of my buttons.

"I'm just not," I huff out like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Really?" He has the audacity to ask. Now he's really pissing me off.

"Yes really. It's not normal to want and think about men the way I do," I practically shout at him.

Jasper's face registers no shock at my outburst. I want to hate him and be pissed that he forced that out of me, but despite the pounding of my heart, I feel better. Jasper knows and he's not showing any disgust, maybe I'm not as horrible as I think.

"That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you, all it means is that you're not attracted to women. Who's to say what's normal anyway?" Jasper voice is quiet and reassuring. Having no idea how to answer him, I just shrug my shoulders.

"I think that's enough for today, you've made some great progress today. Next week I think I might tell you my story before we get into anything else. I think you might benefit from hearing my story." Okay, now he's definitely piqued my interest. Truthfully, I want to know everything about this intriguing man but I don't want him to know that so I nod my head indicating I heard him. Next Tuesday can't arrive fast enough.

Nothing too exciting happened during the week; I spent most of it writing in my journal. Reading it back, I was surprised at how insignificant or irrational some of my fears were. Unfortunately, some of my fears were very serious and I wasn't sure I would be strong enough to survive them coming to fruition.

Tuesday rolled around and for the first time since I started seeing Jasper I was excited. Today I would get to find out the story behind the man. Alice was well Alice, all chattery and bubbly when I arrived. As usual I waited in one of the chairs for Jasper to call me in. Today he was in a simple dress shirt and jeans. His appearance did nothing to tame my lustful thoughts; I couldn't help but feel a little ashamed of what I was thinking. Once Jasper called me in and we were both seated I waited for him to start.

"I know we agreed that I would tell you my story today and we will, but first I want to know how your week has been. Have you been using your journal?" Jasper asked in his usual calm tone.

"The week was okay, nothing too exciting happened and yes I have been using my journal." Enough about me already I want to hear more about him.

"Good, I think it really will help. By the look of you, you're eager to get on with my story am I right?" I think his question may have been rhetorical but that doesn't stop me nodding my head a little too eagerly. "Okay then, but I warn you that this isn't a happy story." Jasper pauses and I stay quiet to allow him a moment to collect his thoughts.

"I grew up in a very manly household. My brothers and father were all into sports, beer and women. During my early teens, I realized that I had very little in common with them. It was then that I realized I was gay and had no interest in discussing or pursuing women. For years I kept it hidden, I introverted into myself. I became a quiet, shy, depressed boy and was relieved the day I left for college. Suddenly I had all this freedom, there weren't people judging me on how manly I was being, I was free to finally come out of my shell and be me. The only thing was that with that freedom came so much fear. I was afraid to put myself out there, I was afraid that somehow my parents would know. But mostly I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough to be truthful to myself and would spend my life pretending to be the man my father thought I should be. I knew that the moment I finally outed myself would be the moment that I was disowned from the family. I wasn't sure that I could make it on my own or that I would want to."

Jasper pauses to collect his thoughts again, while I sat quietly waiting for him to continue. "My first year of college was miserable; I wasn't any different than I was back in high school. My fears were playing heavily on my mind, and honestly I was sick of having to lie about who I was, so one night I went to a party to let off some steam. I was completely pissed out of my mind when the seat next to me was suddenly occupied by a small woman. She just kept asking me what was wrong and after about twenty minutes of her continuous questions, I finally broke and told her everything. She just listened and once I was finished, suggested that I see a therapist and we've been friends ever since. I took her advice and started therapy; I learned to accept who I was. My therapist helped me grieve for my parents and the family that I was no longer welcomed into. Despite the pain I felt about my family, I learned that I was stronger than I thought and that I was able to survive and be happy without them. Alice and her friends soon became my friends and we made our own little family. Thanks to Alice and therapy I am now living a happy life, unlike the miserable life that I would have been living. I miss my family and it can be tough sometimes but it's survivable."

I was in awe of the man sitting across from me. The strength it must have taken to come out to a family that he knew would reject him was unfathomable. Now I knew without any doubt that Jasper could understand me, that gave me the hope that maybe he could help me. "I'm scared," I whispered hoping he understood.

"I know but I'll help you," He replied just as quietly. I walked out of that office feeling something I haven't felt in a long time, hope.

For the next three months Jasper and I continued my sessions building my self confidence, helping me to accept who and what I was. Jasper was in the room when I called my parents and told them I was gay. There was no way I could do it in person when I knew what there reaction would be. They didn't fail me either when they told me I was an abomination in the eyes of God and that I was no longer welcomed in their home. Jasper held me as I cried.

There was no denying how close we had grown over the last few months. Jasper and I spent a few sessions just talking and getting to know each other, it was no longer feeling like therapy. I was no longer scared of the feelings Jasper stirred up inside of me, no now I was intrigued and excited by them. Before each session I tried to make myself as presentable as possible, I wanted to look nice for Jasper. On a couple of occasions I attempted to flirt, I say attempted because Jasper just looked at me strangely. Somehow I don't think I was able to pull of flirting. I spent a lot of time writing in my journal and analyzing how I felt about everything. It was when reading it back that I realized my feelings for Jasper. He was no longer my therapist or friend, no he was much more and thanks to my journal entries I can pinpoint exactly when that change occurred.

It was a day a couple of weeks after my parents unceremoniously dumped me, I was feeling like a failure and completely unlovable. During our session I spoke to Jasper about it and he was quick to reassure me that I was in fact lovable. He then went on to list the qualities that I had that made me lovable. Compassion, strength, and humility were just a few qualities he threw at me and I have never felt better than I did in that moment.

Gathering some of my new found strength, I decided it was time to take a chance. I pulled out my journal and wrote one last entry before my session. Today was the day that I let Jasper read my journal. I haven't been this nervous to see Jasper since my first visit. Alice as usual was going on and on about something. Usually I would find it a little irritating but today I was using it as a distraction for my nerves. Jasper was standing at the door looking perfect, as usual. Yet again my mouth was watering at the sight, and I could only find it in me to be a little ashamed at the thoughts running through my head, the incredibly inappropriate thoughts that had created a problem in my pants. Jasper pulled me out of my lustful thoughts by inviting me into the room.

"Um, I think I would like you to read my journal," I whisper in a voice littered with nerves. Jasper just stares at me like I've grown a second head. It's understandable considering how protective I've been over the thing since I started writing in it as I almost tore his head off once when he suggested reading it.

"Okay, leave it with me and I'll read it tonight when I go home," He says sounding all confused. He's probably trying to figure out why now? Why all of a sudden I'm willing to let him in on my thoughts?

"No," I say a little too forcefully. "I want you to read it now." I'm petrified about how this is going to go and the last thing I want to do is wait a week for his rejection. Who knows what kind of mess I'll be in after a week of stressing and over thinking, basically a week of freaking the fuck out.

It's a good thing Jasper doesn't have another appointment straight after mine because it takes him a good two and a bit hours to read the thing. By the time he's almost to the end I'm agitated beyond belief. He has read the thing with a face portraying nothing but calm. I'm pretty sure he's had to have read a least one of my not so innocent dreams about him by now, yet his face showed nothing. This does not look good. I'm about ready to run out of the room when Jasper finishes reading.

"Carlisle I can't," Was all I needed to hear before I was up and heading out the door at full speed. I'd just gotten outside when a hand grabs my arm halting my escape.

"You didn't let me finish," Jasper says slightly pissed. I just yank my arm out of his and cross them over my chest, hoping to protect it from his rejection. I don't even bother to respond I just glare at him until he continues. "What I was going to say before you ran out on me was that I can't be your therapist any more."

Great, not only is he rejecting me but he doesn't ever want to see me again. Boy did I fuck this up royally. "I understand," I whisper before turning to walk away again.

"Would you stop for a fucking second and let me finish speaking before you run away?" Yep, he's definitely pissed now. I just nod my head pathetically like some wounded animal. "I can't be your therapist any more because I want you. I want to see you more than once a week."

I'm in shock, he wants me. Jasper doesn't even give me a moment to process what he's just said before joining his lips to mine. His lips are soft and warm, they mould perfectly to mine. I let out a moan as his tongue slowly glides along my bottom lip. Without any hesitation I open my mouth up to him. Our tongues dance together in the most erotic way, there is no hiding the loud groan that rips from my throat at his taste. Mint and a few other indefinable flavors flood my taste buds. I don't think I've ever been this hard in my life. Jasper breaks the kiss when both sets of lungs are screaming at us for air. A beautiful smile beams across Jasper's face.

I know that what happened with Jasper would be considered a sin in my father's eyes. But honestly if that's sinning then sign me up for a place in hell because I don't intend to stop any time soon. For the first time in my life I can't find it in me to be ashamed.

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**So what did you think? Was it worth reading or were you bored out of your freaking mind? Anyway please review and let me know your thoughts. And lastly I would like to thank the lovely ladies OCDJen and dtav for taking time out of their lives to go through this story and make it presentable. **


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